I was a choade. I don't ever use this word, but I am using it now. I went out Solo to Pornstar Karoake at Sardos in Burbank. I've been there a few times and gotten numbers, one that's led to a lay and the other a date. I took a step back in time to my old self tonight. I sat on a stool at the bar and did very little interacting with anyone. I didn't allow myself to get into a good "state" as its known in the community...and I felt it. There were a few available sets, so there is no excuse. I felt it deep in my core. I sat there and felt the ackwardness of being surrounded people laughing, conversing, and having a good time while I was stone cold quiet. I felt bad. I wanted to talk, I missed it. But as it got later in the evening, I found the desire to get started diminsh more and more.
I got opened by one girl. She wanted to fuck. She handed me her business card. It said "caretaker". I handed it back. She was a hooker.
A pornstar walked by and looked right into my eyes. Since I wasn't in "state" and hadn't been speaking, I got out a meek "hi" and quickly looked away. She kept on walking.
But as I sit her today and think about it. It wasn't a bad night. It was a reminder. It was a reminder of what I used to be and am not anymore. It was like going back in time to another self, and I can see how miserable that was.
I like what I am able to do today, to cold approach, hook a set, escalate, turning nothing into something...perhaps a friend, a date, perhaps sex. So Tuesday night was reinforcement, to keep learning, keeping putting in the effort, keep approaching, because I am evolving...I am getting good. And every night is a blank canvas, I get to start over. What happened yesterday doesn't matter.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment