Motivations and Profound Thoughts

There are a couple blogs and email subscriptions I follow and there are things I often read that I find very profound and insightful. Here are a few I recently read that I liked:

From Braddock's Blog:

"And it all comes down to opening. I guarantee if I had at least made the effort to open in all those instances I now regret, they would not have materialized into such nights. You will not regret the times where a girl blows you out for trying. You will remember the nights where you went out and didn’t talk to anyone – and those are the ones that hurt."

From Entropy:

"This is one of the most important and profound realizations that
I've ever had in all of my years of coaching: pick up is not a
skill that is learned... it's a habit that is practiced.

You already know how to speak to a girl, you just haven't created
a habit of it. You already know how to be sexual, you just
haven't made a habit of it.

Seduction is less like learning to play piano (takes years of
study and work), and more like training yourself to write with
your left-hand if you were born right-handed. You "know" how to
do it already, it's just that you've never done it before, so
you're fighting through a lifetime of bad habits."

From Entropy:

"If approach anxiety is merely a lack of conditioning ourselves to
talk to beautiful strangers, then we shouldn't be training
ourselves for strength, but for endurance. Someone who can't
approach at all lacks the endurance to even do one approach.
Therefore you should lower the intensity instead of raising it."

From Captain Jack:

This is best done in a venue where people go and hang out for 2-3 hours. Start a normal conversation with a Hotty. Be conversational, almost boring for the first minute. Then, say something like this…

You know, I’m sure you are TIRED of hearing this but you have really… really… nice lips.

She’ll probably looked kind of shocked or embarrased or say thank you or… get back on the previous subject and then say,

Gotta go. Great chatting with you. If you see me around don’t be shy, say hi or something.

And then leave.

But, don’t stop there…

Do the same thing with another girl, then another, then another.

Before long you will have them gravitating back towards you. Keep circling. One of them WILL sink her teeth in and you’ll have the easiest success of your life.

What is important here is not only what you are doing to the single girl… but, how it looks to the rest of the women in the venue and everyone else. There is a NETWORK effect.

Capt. Jack: Low Self-Approval or Low Self-Esteem?

FROM CJ'S BLOG:

I think what you NAME things matters a great deal. One of the problems with innovating is you are stuck with the vocabulary of the system/environment… We have a VERY extensive vocabulary in Pick-Up.

But, I think much of it is extremely inaccurate.

LSE or Low Self-Esteem is one such word. It SEEMS to describe a personality trait (or function/behavior) but it is really not descriptive.

I’ve been telling friends/puas/students for awhile now to NOTICE how MOST of the people at bars are LSE. In EVERY instance I’ve shared it they have come back to me saying something like this, “Holy shit man! How the fuck did I miss that?”

The reason lies in the concept and the vocabulary. It has NOTHING to do with esteem.

Here’s the dictionary def:

–noun
1. a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.
2. an inordinately or exaggeratedly favorable impression of oneself.

WTF does that mean? Sure we can think we know what it means but it is so ultimately non-descriptive that when you try to dig deeper into solutions you quickly discover how meaningless it is.

There is, however, an often used phrase in The Community that is more functional and more descriptive than LSE. In fact, if I had it my way I’d say let’s strike LSE out of the Canon and just use Approval Seeking or Seeking Approval.

That’s right on the fucking money.

Everybody is Seeking Approval. And, when do you feel more approved of than when a member of the opposite sex wants to have sex with you?

Letting the girl KNOW you APPROVE OF her as a female and APPROVE OF her as a sexual being is the end-all of Sexual Framing.

Here’s the kicker.

Think about a time when you did something you felt proud of yourself about… something you really gave yourself a nice big pat on the back about. Maybe you felt great when graduated college… Got a promotion at work… Got a girl you thought was out of your league…

Now, ask yourself where did those feelings come from (literally)?

Inside you.

If you weren’t feeling them one second and you were the next second, where did they REALLY come from?

You.

So, who gave you the Approval?

You did.

If you gave yourself the Approval, who was holding the Approval away?

You were.

We’ve been conditioned by Society to get approval OUTSIDE. Of course. How else could you Mass Control everyone?

If everyone gave themselves approval they would give everyone else approval, too. This would SEVERELY reduce all other problems. People who approve of themselves DO NOT do destructive things.

(The mind, being linear, treats other people like you treat yourself and vice versa.)


On the other side, can you see that you’ve been giving yourself disapproval? And, because you’ve been disapproving of yourself it has caused an intense craving for approval inside you?

And, knowing yourself intimately, could you see how someone else (a complete stranger) would be hesitant to give you approval IF your behavior, speech, mannerisms and body language gave them the intuitive impression-feeling that you disapproved of yourself?

Could you decide (right now, as best you can) to stop disapproving of yourself?

Then, could you decide (right now, as best you can) to give yourself approval?

Could you DECIDE to do it for no reason?

Don’t do it for anyone else. Do it for yourself. Decide now to approve of yourself.

This constant seeking of happiness OUTSIDE of you is what Buddha was talking about when he said things like, “Attachment to Desire (craving) is the root of all suffering.”

Going even deeper, Buddha’s “Twelve Links of Causation” start off with Ignorance.

Ignorance of what? Ignorance that you are a complete, infinite Being already. (Even if you don’t feel like one, act like one or think like one… what separates you from knowing it is FEELINGS and THOUGHTS… relinquish those and you’re done.)

Giving yourself Approval is a NATIVE ability and it’s only a decision. Everyone can do it.

When you get your own approval back, you can approve of others fully BECAUSE of who they are, not IN SPITE of who they are.

Then, people will gravitate towards you magnetically because they sense intuitively that you ARE closer to your innate being and everyone is trying to get BACK to that state.

But, it all starts with YOU.

If you can feel Superior to someone you can feel Inferior to someone. Both are Ego functions, and they can’t exist separately.

Remember in my post LR: Juggs how I THOUGHT the girl was being bitchy? And, remember how I made the decision to quit being so smart and allow it to be other than what I thought it was…

…and it turned out to be very different?

Well, I’m going to propose that you think about, consider, ponder, contemplate the idea that MOST of the negative experiences (and even NO-GO sets) you’ve had (or imagine having) with women are due to your MISTAKING her Low Self-Approval statements and behaviors for stuff that is consistent with “Your Story.”

It’s actually pretty comical from my new viewpoint.

You put a bunch of people in the room who don’t know how to love themselves… give them a shitload of alcohol, turn up the music so loud you can’t even think (let alone talk) and then you expect them to get together…

… the fact that people DO IT every night across the world is a testament to how compelling and pervasive this need for Approval is.

Anyway, that’s a very SLIGHT and basic groundwork into the newer AA stuff I’ve been working on… this has to be understood before the processes can be taught and have an effect.

What if, instead of asking you to give yourself approval, I had asked you to give yourself some Esteem?

Not quite the same effect is it? Now, imagine developing, describing and constructing exercises to help people “get it” while using bad naming all the way through.

The entire Community’s vocabulary and conceptual framework was built haphazardly over years by guys who didn’t get it… by guys who were still trying to figure it out.

Is it any wonder it’s such a mess?

~ CJ ~

Last Night in Orange County

I'm sitting here this morning trying to focus on getting my work complete before the labr day holiday weekend kicks in. I was looking in the mirror when I woke up and I still had pink lipstick smudged all over my face from last night.

I started the night with a meet-up happy hour event at RA at the District in Tustin. Not a big turn out and I'm glad I had other plans later in the evening.

The next stop was a seminar on gaming 9's & 10's that was taking place in Irvine. I had never met the group that was putting it on, so I didn't know what to expect. It started at 8 pm and went to 11:00 pm. They seem like decent guys, pretty basic stuff and they are still spiting out mystery method which I believe is a little old and played out. Damn, I wasn't expecting it to last so long and I was starting to talk myself out of going to the bar.

I convince myself to go and head to the Quiet Woman in Corona Del Mar. I notice I am nervous and I don't know why. Maybe because of the combination of being solo and being in CDM which is known for it's ultra hot girls.

Walk in, say hello to a few ladies as I pass by them, grab a beer and walk back over by the dance floor. I'm starting to get a little in my head, so I start talking to anyone regarding of the hotness factor. I start to feel better, start a few conversations with cougars, they don't go anywhere, and I'm thinking of leaving.

As I am walking away from the table, a guy grabs me and tells me I should go talk to his friend and points me in her direction. I had noticed them earlier, but figured they were together and dismissed it. She is a 45 yr old tan bleach blonde with fake tits. I'll have to go into details later about our interaction, but basically spent the rest of my time at the bar with her both inside and out on the smoking patio.

But here are two points I want to make.

#1 - If you see a girl and guy together, you never know for sure if they are together and you can miss out on opportunities. It so happened this girl was with her male cousin.

#2 - What I was thinking was going to be a horrible night actually turned out pretty good. I was getting in my head and starting to feel some approach anxiety, and if this guy hadn't of stopped me and told me to talk to his cousin, it may have been a bad night. It turns out she noticed me and thought I was cute from the minute she walked in the place.

My response when girls ask me "what do you do?"

I say:

"You have to be more specific. What do I do for fun, for work, or to give women extreme physical pleasure?"

Since this is a question that gets asked early on in the interaction, it gets things sexual right away.